Helping Our Teenage Children with Challenges

It's never easy watching your child face a challenge.  A parent's gut reaction is to protect them, shield them, make it all better.  However, that doesn't make them stronger and give them the knowledge of how to deal with the inevitable struggles of life, and more importantly, the confidence that they can persevere and succeed.

So what is our job as a parent? It's to be a sounding board when they want to talk about it.  To give them some practical advice on how to manage the situation they are dealing with.  Teenagers are in that precarious place of still being kids, but also beginning with adult responsibilities and needs.  Such as paying for their own car insurance and after school jobs.  They also do go to work, in a sense, five days a week.  For the most part school is their work right now.  Teenagers need to do well in school and most want to do well.  They know their future success and earnings depend on it.  They are also reviewed and judged in their "job" by endless tests, quizzes, and projects.

School challenges often make up a lot of the difficulties teenagers have with the ever looming question, "Are my grades good enough to get into college.  They are often required to take classes that aren't always within their strongest abilities or that they will ever use in their adult life.  When my children have faced school challenges, when I have tried to step in and micro manage the situation, "Mom to the rescue," I have often found that they have been dealing proactively with the problem.  Such as setting up an appointment for help with a teacher, before I ever had the chance to suggest it.

Most teenagers want to do well and they know how much doing well will positively effect their future.  Although, it doesn't always seem it, they have been paying attention to what you have been saying.  Starting in elementary school you have tried to show them right from wrong and the importance of doing their best in all that they do.  They still need you if only to be in the room as a reminder of those values.  As a parent you have given them that foundation and it will bear fruit in the high school years.

Our teenagers have persevered, and will continue to persevere, with the help of teachers, guidance counselors, friends and our support, which is ever present.  They are growing up and they are managing challenges, which will leave  them stronger and more capable for it.

Peace in My Life

I've always been looking for peace in my life.  Financial peace, job peace, etc. It was always when I have this amount of money I'll be at peace, or that job, or when the kids are out of college.  But, then I realized peace is now, it's a choice, you can't put conditions on it.  If you choose peace a lot of those issues will resolve themselves peacefully, because your whole attitude will change, and you will have the peace you seek.

A Positive Outlook

     You often hear the advice, 'keep a positive attitude,' but what does that mean?  Should you look at the world through rose colored glasses, not acknowledging the truth of a situation?  I think a positive outlook or attitude has a deeper meaning. None of us are immune to the slings and arrows of life, but how we weather the storm can be greatly influenced by our attitude. There are many stories of people surviving horrific life threatening situations or illnesses and there are stories of people sadly giving up in similar situations. Attitude probably played a major role in these situations. You do not have to look at the world through rose colored glasses, but you do have to look beyond your present situation. Usually the way you look at a problem is, at least to some degree, how it comes out.  Thankfully, we can often say something wasn't as bad as we thought it would be, but we still put ourselves through a lot of pain and anguish in anticipation of the event.  None of us want to go through a root canal procedure, but we can choose to concentrate on the expertise and skill of the dentist and how improved your dental health will be when it is done.  Often root canals are preceded by repeated pain in the area and other procedures to save the tooth.  Now the issue has been effectively dealt with and there will be no more pain. If you try to correct a  problem by focusing on the positive outcome that you wish to achieve, it gives you a way to effectively take care of the problem while keeping your stress levels down.  You're not saying that a tooth that obviously needs repair is fine, but you are focusing on your desired good; that will bring happiness rather than stress. That is the difference.  No long distance runner focuses on how long the race is, but upon completing the race and making it to the finish line.
     There is a saying that attitude is everything and it is a medical fact that constant stress can have harmful effects on you. So a positive outlook does make life worth living because it allows you to strive for the good in all situations and reduce the stress that can make life hell.  A good that we all deserve and are capable of manifesting.  There are metaphysical studies that say what you focus on is what you get.  Well, you have two choices.  You can set up a self-fulfilling prophesy of all the bad outcomes in your life that could happen, or you can choose the other side of the coin of the good in your life with positive outcomes.
     In my book Pompeii Days, Mary, the main character, admits she is a bit of a worrier.  In traveling to Pompeii, she has to admit she is unnerved by the potentially active volcano, Vesuvius.  However, her love for ancient history overrides this and she goes there to do excavations and field work.  Due to rumblings under the volcano she experiences an earthquake and meets a man, with very a very positive view of life, who will challenge her worrier attitude.  She will have to remember the lessons he spoke of, because they may be the one thing that will saves her in a dangerous situation.

   

Traveling to New Places

          Traveling to new places makes life worth living.  Travel can mean a day trip to a destination an hour away or a twenty hour flight across the ocean. What is important, in either excursion, is the new sights, sounds, and experiences that a trip to a place you have never been before can bring you. There is more to be gained than getting away from the day-to-day grind of driving to work and the stress of our jobs.  We often stress about recurring problems in our lives.  Travel allows us to step away from these problems for bit, allowing our now relaxed subconscious brain to come up with some creative solutions.  I don't know how much scientific study has been done on this issue, but I know even after a short weekend away, I feel more optimistic and capable to handle concerns in my life. When you are dealing with a new environment, you have to give it more attention.  You can't spend all your time worrying about your problems.
     The beauty of the White Mountains of New Hampshire reminds me of the majesty of nature in our world.  The mountains also remind me of the higher power that created them, a power that can certainly help with a positive solution to my problems. I felt that same feeling in Hawaii.  There are dark mountains that formed when the volcanic islands were born.  When we were driving through the valleys, the mountains would rise dramatically on either side of roadway; an imposing sight.  Here I know I am part of a dynamic world that is ever changing and always full of possibilities and creativity.
     I have met people from different states and countries in my travels.  These people often have some of the same hopes and concerns I have about life, and most especially about our children, but some have problems I can't imagine, and I remember to appreciate all I have.  If nothing else, when I come home after staying at a nice hotel, I am more determined to remove the clutter from my home in exchange for a more organized and peaceful environment, which means less cleaning and more time for myself and my family.
     Mary Conti, the main character in my book, Pompeii Days, is afraid she is running away from her problems by going to Pompeii, but it is her hope that the  trip will give her a new perspective on a relationship that she fears is going nowhere.  The trip will also help solidify her love for ancient history in all its aspects, including dirty, dusty, and sometimes dangerous excavations.  It will force her to challenge herself to deal with situations that are perilous, and to realize what a strong and courageous person she really is.  Being in Pompeii will also help her to decide whether to let go of her romantic relationship at home, and explore one that could turn out to be much better.  So take a trip, near or far, and see what it could bring into your life.

Doing Work You Love

   What makes life worth living is doing work you love.  It sounds like a cliche and maybe we haven't all figured that one out.  Maybe we are just trying to pay our bills.  Doing work you love does not have to be something amazing like being a brilliant doctor and finding cures for diseases.  It can be the simple joy of a floral bouquet, well done by the florist, for a boy to give a girl, for their first high school dance.  It's beautiful and the boy feels a little more confident that not only will she like the bouquet, but maybe she'll really like him too.  The florist knows this that's his job; the good part of his job that he loves.  He hands the boy the bouquet in it's simple white box and tells him to have a good time. The florist also says that girls really do like pretty flowers.  He also helps the woman, who in great sadness, is picking out flowers for her mother's funeral.  He brings out three perfect gardenias, their intoxicating fragrance filling the room. Yes, they were her mother's favorite.  She smiles for a minute, thinking how happy it made her mother to receive them every year for her birthday.  The gardenias will be perfect for the arrangements at the wake.  The florist knew how important theses flowers were to her because doing this for her mother eased her grief a bit.  The florist would have to order more gardenias; he didn't keep a lot on hand, but he would find more. It was his job, a job he loved.  Flowers had the power to brighten smiles and ease the pain of losing a loved one.  That's why the florist was here everyday, for the beauty, the creativity, the joy and the comfort they could bring.
     Maybe at eighteen the florist knew he loved flowers and maybe he just inherited the business from his father, but there was a spark somewhere that ignited an interest in him that made this work important to him, to his life. I always thought finding work you love was some sort  of miracle that hit you like a bolt of lightening.  I guess it could happen that way, but for most it hasn't.  Its more likely that interest, that spark, has always been in you, quietly trying to guide you.  It's that satisfaction you felt when you were part of a team of kids in high school that helped build a playground in the low income part of town.  That spark is your intuition giving you signposts along the way to tell you what direction to go in.  Sometimes we listen and sometimes we don't.   For some people, it takes many years to follow that intuition, then one day they go from being corporate lawyers to running a bed and breakfast in Vermont.  So watch for those sparks in your life; those moments when you feel connected to something and feel a sense of accomplishment.  Those are the signals to turn in that direction to the work that you love.
    The main character in my story, Pompeii  Days, comes to this realization after several strange occurrences when she started law school. Mary loves history, particularly ancient history; when she took a few history courses in college she ignored that spark and continued on to law school.  Eventually her love of history prevails and she turns in that direction, which brings her to the excitement of Pompeii and a new love in her life. Happiness in one area of our lives has a way of attracting it in other areas.